Torn in between the two

see before you i had what i thought was the world
that little bit of earth that grew alone in a field of dead roots && darkness
 but you were something more than that
bringing in more light than the sun when it first peeks through the cracks
opening my eyes up for new options
while on the other side of the plate laid a full meal half eating
you were the drink
the supplement that fulfilled what i was eaten couldn't
i thought i had everything I've ever wanted
until i found this raw passionate outlook for attention
i use to believe that buying new things were stupid
that holding on to what was broken, used, or just no longer were exsistant  was the good shyt
until i found you, sticking out like a sore thumb on the top self
you caught my interest
 like glass shattering across a marble floor i couldn't help but to hear it
while he were the broom i swept you up with
until twist of faith damaged what could of been
making locks jam uncontrollably breaking doors off of hinges
he became my source of energy
the one dusted cover book hidden way deep in the attic that held meaningful memories or the bone a dog first burries
you on the other hand became something so fatal like a heartbeat
the virus hidden in the core of my computer
see with new shyt remain the same problems
constant phone calls to people for fixation
relying on the same old shyt to replace you why your getting fixed
debating whether or not if what i had was it!?
whether i should dwell on the past rather than seek for mistakes within a new future
if its all the while the same why give up on a old habbit