At age 2 I myself knew that life was confusing
Growing up to experience difficult changes due to sexuality
Restricted from activities because I didn't own a penis like billy Jacob mom did
Tortured by siblings resulting in my 4year tomboyish look
Becoming accepted by all the boys that did nothing but ride bikes dangerously back && fourth from their house to the 5mile quick check right outside the complex && occasionally ate worms
Yes I was one of them
Now the first time was kind of disgusting
Just imagine a slimy yucky scum slithering down your esophgus while hearing your brother && sister voice say its going to lay eggs in your stomach
So you vomit
The 2nd time && times after that you get use to it...
Begin blocking out the circular images && metallic voices of discomfort
All the while believing that eggs will lie in your stomach
In-between intestines of warmth
Till they hatch
Releasing foul orders of creativity && manure
Sprouting insecurity within myself throughout my eyes
feeding off my intentioned personality
Leading to my adolance years of confusion
questioning why
Girls could play with the guys but guys couldnt associate with the girls cause if did considered gay or strange
or
Why boys could wear bagging jeans that hang from their knees
&& girls pants had to be camal toe tight
i perfer mine skinny && slim with a little room on the bumb
but because of that one could usually find themselve refered to as a dike
why?
im confused
back then all we ever worried about were things like circle circle dot dot now i got my cootie shots
boys pulling our hair or them running from our mother like smooches
wait who remeber love taps?
The future turned what was life into dreams
kids playing with knives
Starting fires && getting burnt
guys liking guys girls liking guys
Or girls
This is the today world
leaving imprints on generations as if we never had it good
even when it was bad our child like imaginations took us to destinations where we could stay in a childs place
Isnt that what our parents said
looking back i realize that every advice giving were like lemonade stands on hot summer day
with a purpose
quinching our thirstest with cocern love && happiness
Bad moments being only those of scrapped knees or wonders of our pets constant sleep that seemed to last forever under a particular tree
im confused
trying to perfectly put together a puzzle of missing pieces then glue it together just so it could stay in place then frame it
looking hard enough you could tell some were forced into place
Each box opened has a broken seal with
lost inaccurate pieaces of kids dreams && determinataion leaving one overwhelmed with confusion
forget the glue sticks
why does it have to be like this
Why cant we just got back to our 4year old images where all we worried about were
jumping rope in the school yard
riding bikes
Writting secret notes to the boys
or boys acting all big bad because they like us
gathering on top of the hill to watch the sun set
Because once them street lights were on you knew your ass had to be in the house then
or even if we can just stop time for one moment
&& place it where life could of prevented confusion
i just want to be my expected 4year old image
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